Musings of the Museless

There’s no certification to indicate that someone is qualified to be a runner. Despite the cult jokes, there’s no membership card or secret handshake or special t-shirt you get. Anyone who runs is a runner. Since there is no menbership, there’s no speed minimum, not really, nor is there a minimum time or distance you have to run in a week or month to keep the right to call yourself a runner.

I say all that knowing full well that until this week, I was hesitant to say “I AM a runner” and put myself in a category with elite athletes and amazing, inspiring people. I’m just a chick who “jogs” 3-4 times a week at a rather slow pace. My dad can walk faster than I run. I didn’t quite get it, didn’t quite feel like a runner.

But two things happened this week. The first was on Sunday at about 9am. We rose and met our running group. It was a wet and windy morning, and I did my first 10km run. Again, not very fast, but time does go quickly when you have good company (which I did!). But the 8km mark took us past a lake and the wind reached across the lake and smacked us upside the head. We soldiered on. And we made it back upright and smiling. But from wet socks and siggy sneakers I got the worst blister I’ve ever had, on the arch of my foot. Can you say ‘Awkward’? I did along with other choice words.

But that, knock on wood, is my first major running affliction. And I ran through it, and survived it, and treated it, and ran again 6km the next day. And I thought, “Now I get it.”

The second thing happened tonight. As I’ve learned recently, hill repeats are a tried-and-true way to improve your performance. You run it the way a chld runs toward an ice cream cart – as fast as you can and not stopping until you reach the target (in this case the target is the top). Unlike the kid running for ice cream, the sweet reward is not when when you stop. It comes days or weeks later, when the training pays off. And before that, hills are not fun.

And tonight, I got it. I was being pushed, literally (nudged by coach John) and though I thought my legs were about ready to give up on the fifth go, I kept givin’ ‘er. I was thinking about crying. Instead I kept running. And made it without collapsing or crying.

I’m proud. And I do believe all I said first off in this post. Anyone can be a runner. It’s not a club. But being something and feeling like you are can be two different things. I’m glad I’m now both. :)

Some habits die hard. Others lie dormant for years, popping up when you’ve forgotten you once had then. I caught myself making the sign of the cross (“blessing myself”) when driving past the Catholic cemetary the other day. This “tick” was an unquestioned part of growing up in a Catholic household. It ranks up there with poking bits of palm from Passion Sunday mass in spots of the house, prayer cards stuck in random books, and the need to speed through the Lord’s Prayer as quickly as possible. As a child and teen, I was active in the church. But I stopped going regularly when university started demanding my time, and I never really found my way back.

As the Catholic church and the Vatican hit the news with increasing frequency, I’m questioning what role religion plays or should play in my life. I do think the notion of “love your neighbour as yourself” is the best philosophy to live by, and I think churches as organizations *can* do great things. I just wish that they would do more of those great things and less discriminating based on random interpretations of Bible scripture or how things gave always been done.

A short time back, I “spoke” about time, and making it my bitch, and spending more time doing things I enjoy rather than taking on extra tasks and responsibilities. Not to toot my own horn too much, but so far so good. February and March were largely free of tasks I said “Yes” to instead of thinking things through. I even *gasp* dropped a commitment and blantantky disregarded an invite to be involved in something I’d normally jump all over being involved with. Yay me!

I have one HUGE task left to do that I don’t really wanna do, but sooo want to get to the end of. My Masters thesis. The bane of my existence. The thorn in my side, and main thing that keeps me awake at night (though I sleep fairly well, to br honest). One thing I *do* have goals for, fairly ambitious ones. And on Friday I need to submit a form asking for an extension. Admitting that hey, I’m not as quick as your average bear doing a M.Eng, but I declare that I AM going to finish. If they’ll let me. Maybe they won’t approve my extension, in which case I’ll have a great cry and move on.

But let’s be positive. I am making thesis progress, slowly and painfully. I am taking time for me, and cutting back on taking on tasks that aren’t worth the aggravation they cause.

As I catch a bit of the Clising Ceremonies of the 2010 Winter Olympics, I have to admit that I watched a lot more of these games than I anticipated. One reason is convenience; many of the events were on in prime time, and the TV happened to be on. But I also got sucked into the whole National Pride thing.

I’m lucky enough to be drinking some wine, sitting with B and watching TV tonight. We’re waiting for the Olympic Opening Ceremony to start. I’m not “into” the Games, generally it’s not my thing. I’m interested in seeing who was chosen to light the flame, and I do want to see Clara Hughes (apology if mispelled) bring in the flag… I find her determination and dedication inspiring. I guess the same would be true if I knew more about some of the other athletes. But other than hockey, curling and speed skating, I have no plans to watch any sports. I find some of the practises of VANOC and IOC to be insulting, ridiculous and wasteful. I do wish the athletes the best and hope the folks I know in Vancouver have a good time (and aren’t too inconvenienced by the Games). But I don’t plan on catching much of the coverage.

Just testing out writing from my iPod touch via an app. Yes, there’s an app for that.

Welcome to 2010. February 2, 2010 to be exact. *sigh* Time flies when you’re having fun. Or not having fun. Not that I’m not having fun. It’s just that no matter what you do, or don’t do, time marches on. It’s not waiting for the world or situation to change, like you might be. Time really has no emotions or mercy. It certainly stops for no one – I’m not one who believes in the notion that time slows in a tender moment. I normally experience the opposite. The most boring moment can last a lifetime, but the fun and touching times are over before you know it.

It’s up to us to grab the moments that matter before they pass us by and tear them open like a gift, blow them up like a balloon to fill all possible space and bounce them around, float them along, play with them and around them. I just finished watching “Groundhog Day”, and one thing I had forgotten about is how much Bill Murray’s character Phil grows, once he realizes the gift he is given – the gift of time, the chance to live each day knowing that there’s another one coming and it will hold exactly what he expects and he knows exactly how to make a difference.

I don’t have resolutions this year. I don’t even have concrete goals. I am trying to make time my friend (my bitch?), to tame it, organize it. I find too much of my time is spent doing Stuff I’d rather not be doing, and while I accept a certain amount of this is necessary in life (unless I’m independently wealthy, then screw it), I’m growing selective about what Stuff occupies my extra time. Or at least, I’m trying to. At the very least, I’m figuring out that saying “No” once in a while hurts someone a lot less than I imagine it will when I’m running through reasons not to say “No” in my head. The Stuff that occupies my time should first and foremost be good for me and the folks I love/like – I’ve started running again, trying to spend more time being social with family and friends.

We’ll see how it goes, hey?

This will be a post.  Honest.  But not right now, I’m going to walk the dogs.

… I’m posting a blog entry

… while running some Matlab code for my Masters’ research

… and I’m not hating it, avoiding it, or finding any old excuse not to do either.

I’m sucking it up. I’m doing what needs to be done to get this monkey (the thesis, not the blog) off my back. And I’m making (another) public declaration of my commitment through this medium in hopes of keeping myself Accountable.

Let me digress… almost two months ago, I turned 28. It’s not a milestone year, except for the fact that it’s closer to 25 than to 30. I’m not fearful of 30 or anything, but turning 30 is one of those Milestones. Some call 25 a milestone (my sister-in-law the doctor proclaimed that when she turned 25 she was ‘entering a whole new age bracket for different diseases’), but IMO you’re still figuring out who and what you are at 25. You’re still a “youf” (bonus points to anyone who catches the reference… ). You can still frig around, mess up and recover, and no one is going to judge you as being a failure. But 30… though I know some (many) who would argue with me, to be 30 is to be Grown Up (note the caps). Not necessarily meaning you have to stop being fun or silly (I don’t think I could do that if I tried), but it means to start taking Control and taking Responsibility (again, note the caps) of my life and my actions (or lack thereof).

So, I’ve been making the slow movement towards being a Grown Up, taking Control and Responsibility for my life. And the biggest thing I haven’t been taking Responsibility for is the commitment I made 4.5 years ago to get my M.Eng. degree (yes, it’s been THAT long). Rather than play the game of Avoidance, I’m giving in, sitting down, coding up, and seeing what happens.

I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, I’ve got to check on my results.

I’m off work this week, but not to go anywhere fun and interesting (though we may go camping tomorrow!).  I am home, helping my DH with a list of home repairs and improvements.  The windows are painted, and the basement bathroom is being worked on.  I can’t do “before” pictures because this project is a long time in the making, but I’ll show some “after” pics when it’s done.

I haven’t posted anything in a really really really long time.  I’ll start soon.