Random Letters to Various Others
Dear stupid Kenmount Rd. drivers,
I know it was a Monday morning, and most of us aren’t totally awake on a Monday morning. But for the love of God, *I* saw the large blinking arrow indicating that the left lane was closing in another hundred or so feet. So did a lot of others. But you keep on going like you’re oblivous to the blinking and then have the gall to butt in front of me! I don’t appreciate it!
Ans I’ve reserved a special shame for the few who, after getting in the right lane as per common sense, decide to leave it to join the line-butters!! Argh!!!!!!!!
Signed,
More Awake Than You
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Dear International Astronomical Union,
Have a heart. Pluto’s a great dog! He’s Mickey’s friend! He’s famous! Just because he’s not a freak of intelligence like Goofy and evolved in one generation instead of a million, does not give you the right to put him “on the chopping block“.
Wait. Just read the full story. Change of plan. You can’t take away Pluto’s planet status. That’s really mean… you made a decision, you should have to stick with it! Plus, we’d have to make up a whole new rhyme to remember the planets… we need the Nine Pizzas that My Very Enthusiastic Mother Just Made Us.
Yours,
Confused and Hungry
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Dear Hallway Wall,
I’m onto you. Just because you seem all solid does not mean you aren’t moving ever so slightly, getting in my way and making me seem clumsy when I bump into you. It’s assault,I tell you, and I won’t take it!
Signed,
Bruised but not Blind
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To whom it may concern:
If you use an apostrophe before the letter ’s’, you better as hell be meaning ownership. Because if you are trying to write a plural, you are wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. And you’ve pissed me off.
Your’s,
Me
5 Responses to “Random Letters to Various Others”
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Oh… how your letters bring me joy.
I agree…. and those walls are vicious and evil. And, they may be plotting against us all.
My office has a maniacal coat rack, he’s very mean.
Dear “Me”,
As much as I appreciate your defense of my usage in written language, I would just like to remind you that I can correctly be used to replace letters in the case of contractions such as let’s (for “let us”) and o’clock (for “of the clock”).
Many thanks, your meek and grateful servant,
The Apostrophe
Yes Apostrophe, I’ll give you those. But I must say, it irks me (though not incorrect) when you occupy the place between a number and an ’s’, like in “the 90’s”. Also on my irksome list is when you sneak into a pluralized abbreviation, like UFO’s…
And Nikki, coatracks are evil. There is one in the lab that I steer clearly around for fear of attack.
Pluto’s such a Mickey Mouse planet
Most of the time “90’s” and “UFO’s” are cases of flagrant misuses of me by traditional standards. Those instances should indicate the possessive as in “The 90’s sense of style was questionable” whereas it would be correct to leave me out in “The sense of style in the 90s was questionable”.
Cheers,
‘