Random Ramblings

The Personal Blog of Lori Hogan

Irrational - More Than a Fraction

You may or may not know of my irrational fear. I fear something normal people do everyday. Even (and I hate to offend anyone) the dumbest, most inept people in the world can do this. I can do it too, but I am afraid to. It’s driving. More specifically, it’s mainly parking a car after driving somewhere, but it’s also the thought of driving on a busy road, trying to change lanes or making a left-hand turn into oncoming traffic without a flashing sorrow. It’s pretty bad, but I get weak-kneed at the thought of Kenmount Road on a Thursday afternoon, all alone in the car.

Most of it stems from an incident I had parking my dad’s car years ago, when I was foolish enough to listen to my mom’s advice (she’s a non-driver). Part of it likely stems from that, that my mom never drove and gets through life (kind of). Part of it probably comes from really low self-confidence and a penchant for being clumsy all by myself, let alone when commandeering a large vehicle made of metal (or plastic, yay Saturn!). Part of it may be I didn’t drive in the first year after getting my license (my dad wouldn’t teach me to drive his standard, so I learned to drive automatic from a local driving school).

In any case, I’m not going to blame anyone but myself. I’m silly silly silly to fear something most of the world can do almost as naturally as breathing. It’s a hindrance - more than once I’ve come up with excuses for not going somewhere when really, I can’t think of how I can get there and I don’t want to ask for a ride and feel dependent. I hate being dependent on others in this case, and Lord knows public transportation in St. John’s/Mount Pearl is not convenient (reliable yes, but once an hour only) if you want to meet up with someone. But what’s inconvenient is passing by Brian’s work on the way to drop me off to school, only to have him backtrack - it’s at least 15 minutes that could be spent sleeping.

So I’ve made the first step (not the first time, I know) - I’ve admitted to the world (that’s you) that I am silly, I realize this and would like to change. Now, according to the literature, I need to confront my fear in a safe way… when I find that way, I’ll let you know.